Something I didn't anticipate when announcing our choice to adopt was the stigma that is placed upon birth moms. It has never crossed my mind that a birth mom was anything less than a brave, incredibly unselfish person, so imagine my surprise finding out others might feel differently!
Some examples:
1. She's giving her baby away, so she probably doesn't care.
2. She's probably in high school, or a drop out.
3. She just wants someone to babysit her kid and pay her bills.
4. She can't parent - she's too young.
5. She probably doesn't have a support system.
I thought I could use this post to break some of these stigmas down.
1. She is not giving her baby away.
She is placing her baby with a family that she has chosen after a (usually) long, exhaustive process. She has agonized over this decision, and she cares tremendously where her baby ends up, and how her baby is raised. She cares so much, in fact, that she is putting her baby's needs before her own.
2. Many times a birth mother has finished high school and is over the age of 20. Adoption is not just for the 16-year-old sophomore (Sorry, 16 & Pregnant). These mothers can be very responsible, sometimes they are even in college. They are obviously responsible enough to recognize the importance of a baby having two stable parents in the home.
3. Adoption is most definitely not babysitting. A birth mother is looking for someone who will PARENT her child in a thoughtful and caring manner. She's looking for someone who will give her child everything she couldn't. Daycare is $2.50/hr. She could keep her baby and get a babysitter if she wanted to. Many times the birth mother takes on more of an aunty role, rather than a 3rd parent.
4. I would like to point out that most birth moms can parent. They just realize that the circumstances they are in are not ideal for a child. They are mature enough to realize that sometimes a baby deserves and needs more than she can give - which is a stable home environment. Also, see point #2 about their age. Sometimes they are not too young.
5. It's true, sometimes birth mothers do not have a support system; however, many times their support system is the reason they're able to place their child in the first place.
Birth moms have a bad rap, and I'm not sure why. Many single women choose to parent their babies, and do a great job - it's what is best for them. But for some mothers, what is best for their children IS adoption. Let's make sure to use positive adoption language and support those women. Hug them and love them - they gave their baby and two parents the greatest gift.
Birth moms rock.
"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart"
Skye Hardwick
founder of "Life Mothers"
Skye Hardwick
founder of "Life Mothers"
No comments:
Post a Comment