Thankful

I spent an embarrassingly long time contemplating what to title this post. "Thankful" seemed the perfect word for how I'm feeling. Yesterday, my husband called and told me about the school shooting in Connecticut. The strong wave of emotion that has followed since then has really taken me off guard. I don't know these children or their families, so why do I hurt so badly for them? 

I actually feel very strongly against homeschooling, but even so - that was my first thought. In light of the mall shooting that happened not even an hour away from my apartment this past week, I've thought several times of not going to crowded public places anymore. But that's no way to live. I was fearful yesterday.

I'm so glad I have a loving husband to turn to. I'd been feeling particularly blue since finding out we weren't pregnant after another fertility procedure. But last night, we stayed up and talked about how thankful we are for what we have, the blessings we've been given. It put my life into perspective. 

This morning, I woke up with a renewed sense of thankfulness. 

I'm first and foremost thankful for my faith in God. Prayer has gotten me through so much in life. 

Second, I'm thankful for a husband that works harder than anyone I know to provide for his family, physically and emotionally.

Third, and not at all least, I'm thankful for our miracle baby, Ethan. We had NO idea how blessed we were when we were able to get pregnant with him. I'm thankful for his health, and that he is sleeping safely in his room tonight. 

Today, we spent the day together. In fact, Ethan didn't even get out of his PJ's. It was a wonderful day to regroup as a family - to enjoy each other's company. I remember how important it is to tell my husband and son how much I love and appreciate them. 

I've tried to make sense of this shooting, but that is impossible. However, I can strive to appreciate every moment with our small family.

I Love Books

I remember my obsession starting as a little kid. I read every book we had in the bookcase in our house, and re-read and re-read. Sometimes, when I would get bored, I liked to tear all the books out of the bookshelf, just so I could re-organize them. Just being in their presence was soothing to me.

One of my favorite things to do is to bring a book close to my face and flip through the pages. The smell of paper full of words creating a whole new world is so profound to me. The pages of a book are so much more than Paper. They symbolize the chance to move into a different dimension, free of the worries or cares of the world I live in.

Although I love books, I realized something today: I actually get scared over starting a new book. Here's why:

When I read a book, I become invested in the characters the author develops. They become my friends, my family. I get to experience some of their most intimate moments with them - the moment they fall in love, their heartaches, triumphs and disappointments, proud moments and not-so-proud moments. I get to live in their mind and learn what they're thinking. It's exhilarating.

But then, the book ends.

These people that I got to know and become friends with are ripped out of my life. Unlike a friend that moves away, I can't keep track of their life through Facebook, give them a call, write them a text to see what they're up to. I have a hard time letting go of these people I've invested so much time into.

Starting a new book is to make all new friendships. It's scary. What if I don't like how the author builds the character? What if I simply don't like the lead?  What if I simply dislike the author? This, of course, is not a deterrent to keep reading, but is something I struggle with every time one good book comes to an end, and another literary journey begins.

Am I the only one with this problem?

Crazy Things I Say....

1. Don't lick my mouth when you kiss me.
2. Repeating the question doesn't help. I have NO IDEA what "that" is.
3. Do you need to go peepee? Stop holding your crotch then.
4. HOOOO-HOOOOOO!!! (and other train noises)
5. I bet I can pick up more toys than you. Ready... Set... Go!
6. Did you just spit on the carpet?!
7. Get that out of your mouth. It isn't food.
8. Did you just spit at that kid?!
9. Don't be such a creeper.
10. We don't hit our friends, buddy.
11. You didn't poop in your pants, did you? What's that smell?
12. Did you just spit at me?!
13. Your my BFF.

Ethan's First Year

My friend Shauna posted a video not too long ago of her and her hubby on a date, and looked like SO MUCH FUN! So... I went ahead and edited a video of Ethan's first year. It's so stinking cute! Can't wait to do more.

What we've been up to since traveling (21 hours) to South Dakota.

 Having Dad load up on everything sour at the store - just because he loves us :)

Ethan and Papa playing baseball. Those two need to get a room.

Ethan eating ice cream at Jane's ont he boardwalk in Keystone. 

 Sylvan Lake in the Hills. So gorgeous. The day we went, there were butterflies EVERYWHERE.

 Getting Ethan to go on a hike. If you know this kid, you know that's a BIG dealio.

More Sylvan Lake. Can you tell I'm slightly obsessed?

Swagger

Ethan has a favorite set of pajamas. Naturally, they have Buzz, Woody, Rex, and the aliens on them (He calls the aliens "Pizza Planets" - naturally). Ethan is incredibly descriptive in his speech, so when he asks for these pajamas, he asks for his Buzz, Woddy, Rex, and Pizza Planet pajamas. This kid is such a crack up. I'm going to drive him NUTS as he gets older - I'm not a details person in the slightest.

 Every now and then I can convince him that it's cool to hike your pants up real high. I crack up everytime.

Ethan doing some light reading on the pot (as you do). He's just like Daddy.

Tulip Festival

Coming to the Tulip Festival in Woodburn has become a yearly tradition, ever since I went the week I was due with Ethan. We took a ride on this golf cart, and promptly shared with the nice young man driving that the bumpy drive could put me into labor. He looked TERRIFIED. It was priceless. I plan on doing that as much as possible next time I'm preggers (terrifying people, that is).

The slide was awful. The ladder up to it scared the crap out of me, and I felt like I was having a seizure on the way down. On the upside, Ethan loved it (of course). I was glad when it was over :)

Mommy-son kisses. So precious and SO SHORT. This place is magical.

 Ethan gets so excited to have little playmates to run with. I don't think he stopped moving the entire time we were there!

Three.... wonderful, amazing, joy-filled years with my little boy.  We had no idea then how blessed we were to get pregnant, and how happy we would be with this little midget in our lives. As far as midgets go, he's pretty dang cool.

Last week, we:

 Stopped by Daddy's office for lunch. Those two need to get a room.

Celebrated his b-day at McDonald's with Mema, Brookie, Grandma, and Mommy and Daddy. We are making train noises (as you do).

On Monday morning, I called Billy and told him to check the weather in Lincoln City. It was going to be 61 degrees with wind at 6 mph. This NEVER happens on the Oregon coast. I talked one of my best girlfriends into jumping in the car with me, and we made a day-trip out of it.

We are so blessed to have this little miracle in our lives. Thank the Lord for him every night.

Things I get unreasonably excited about

1. Candy in my ice cream. Better yet, if I get to CHOOSE the candy that goes in my ice cream. Gummy bears, chic lets, butterfingers. All of the above.

2. A random text from a friend. If I haven't heard from you in a while, this seriously makes my week!

3. Getting laundry done in 1 day. I honestly feel like I deserve a sash and a crown for finishing laundry in just 1 day. It basically never happens. Ever.

4. Bacon. Only after 10:00pm. In fact, I just had some. With salad - I feel like one balanced the other. Pretty sure that's how it works.

5. Someone ELSE's embarrassing story. I love hearing these. Other people's embarrassment just never gets old.

6. When I see an ex-boyfriend that got huge and gross. I never really ended that many relationships poorly, but I still like to know I'm hotter than them. Shallow? Yes.

7. Finishing a puzzle. I feel like a jedi ninja MASTER.

8. When someone asks me if I've read a book, and I can say yes. I pretty much never remember titles to books I've read, so I feel like a freakin genius when this happens.

9. When I can pee without pushing on my bladder. I just feel like a teenager again.

10. Those random kisses from my husband. I'm an attention whore, and crave physical touch pretty much all the time.

11. Going on a road trip and having all types of junk food at hand: chocolate, sour candy, gum, chips, popcorn, and soda.

12. The one week a month I actually fill out my bra. I feel so sophisticated. I'm finally an A cup!

13. Getting through the Wal-Mart line in less than 30 minutes. Victory is mine!

Ethan's New BFF's

For Christmas, we got Ethan 3 toys: Jessie, Buzz, and Woody. The joy on Ethan's face was priceless, when he realized what he was getting for Christmas! I have to say, holidays are so amazing with a little midget around. He is our biggest blessing.

Below is a video we took of Ethan last night, pretending his Buzz Lightyear. The babysitter said he'd been doing this for the last 45 minutes!

Not surprising.

Our Christmas Tradition

The last few years we've added Christmas traditions here and there, which has been so fun! I love carrying on traditions from my family, and making some of our own along the way. One tradition we started this year (which was a big hit) was watching Stardust on Christmas, while preparing Christmas dinner.

When Billy and I were engaged, it was quite a tumultuous time for the both of us. We broke up a few times (because I was a psycho). The last time we broke up, he travelled to Denmark to do a film. While he was in Denmark, I was able to work through my issues (...'cause I was a psycho), and made the decision that he freaking rocks, and life would be awful without him.

Right after he got home, we watched the movie Stardust together (at the insistence of my roommate. Thank you, Jessica). After so much stress and inward conflict, this date was exactly what we needed. I remember feeling so calm and at peace with our decision to be married. This is why I could watch this movie again and again! Every time I watch it, I feel like I'm falling in love with my husband all over again. This is a tradition we'll carry on year after year.

P.S. Thank you for all your wonderful comments on my last post. Everything that was said was EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I have the best friends in the whole world :)